i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
