Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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