Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
