dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
