I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
grandma shit on top of the toilet
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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