i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
