i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
