The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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