mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
