you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
