DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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