I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
