you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just blew my weed a kiss
My breasts were aching with rage.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
