R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
