Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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