i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
