Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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