he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Watching her eat just hurts me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
