I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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