His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
