I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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