Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
