Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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