last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
