I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
