i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
