So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
