Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
