i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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