so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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