We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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