i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
