I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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