happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
