How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
