I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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