Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
