all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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