you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
