dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
