who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
