so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
