Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
