matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize