if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
