I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
