he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize