So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
