I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
