Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
