just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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