Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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