Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
