He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
