He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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