I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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