Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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