i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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