ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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