Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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