We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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