If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
