You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
