I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
