Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
accomplished twins. life is a go
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
