I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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