she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
