a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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