Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
