Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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