Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
