I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
organizing the empties. That sober.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
